The Plan: human view

OK, but first let's think of a name
just for you. Maddy the Terrifying?
Queen Maddy the Invincible?
Unseen, unheard, magnificent,
victorious-always, roach Maddy?
I'm getting over the top, I know.
Maddy the Great just isn't good
enough. How will you plan
to get at him when he comes?
Maybe the best thing is to act
all friendly like, invite him in
for tea and cookies, then you can
leap up onto him when he least
expects it. What do you think?
I can play tricks on him to
distract him, get him to gaze into
my eyes, like that. I can hear him
shrieking already. The best part
is he could never in a million years
guess that I was to blame. Rat
bastard. Serves him right. After
you're done with him, I'll calmly
suggest that the incident might
be a sign that he should go. He's
always been really superstitious,
so there's no doubt he'll leave.
I'll go bake some cookies now
so I'm not unprepared when he
shows up out of the blue. You
write me a note and tell me
what you think of the plan.

(2007)