Grave Shadows

Doesn't a person's life appear
to him in retrospect
a long series of grave
shadows drifting back into
eternity? I couldn't really
tell you much about my life
in Taiwan, or New York or
Seattle; all I have are visions
of grave shadows flickering
against the heartbreaking
deep blue of a winter night sky,
big brush strokes of solitude
in spasms underneath my eyelids,
ghosts of memories of long-ago
dreams which never came true.
Where exactly can I find my life?
Is it only in my immaterial
hopes and dreams, my forsaken
loves, my lost connections?
I'm weary now of remembering
all I have to remember alone,
of waiting through lonesome
winters, of dreaming some
brave woman will finally
come along and see how much
I have to give, take it all,
every last drop.
I'm sick and I'm tired and
I've lost all hope that
anyone will miss me
when I'm gone.

(2008)